[it does look a little funny, but that's fine-- she smiles, more to herself than anything, and mixes together some of the dry ingredients, humming an idle tune.]
I'm guessing Caleb told you most everything we talked about already so. [information travels fast.] I wanna - warn you, I think. About the upcoming weeks.
About which part of them, specifically? The part where it's going to be impossible to lose anyone who people don't care about? The part where whoever killed them is going to be someone who others care about as well?
[she says all of this evenly, as she mixes dry ingredients together, but-- not without a hint of tension. it's not directed at beau, though, her gaze fixed down on the bowl.]
The situation that we're in is only going to get worse, I... I know that well enough. But if there's anything else...
[no, that's a mood though. and it really does have something to do with what she planned on saying, so. she kicks her feet against the cabinets again.]
The part where if Caleb or Molly end up getting conscripted and have to do the shit that Rupert did, I'm not going to let them die.
[...ah. she pauses in her work, there, looking at the bowl for another few moments.
if it were anyone she knew, any of her own family, then-- if she realized it had been magnus, or merle, or anyone, she doesn't know that she could stomach turning them in over protecting them. she really doesn't. it would hurt to know they had to, and someone else would have to be chosen in their place, that's all true, but... they would be gone, and they already lost lup. she thought, very recently, they had lost magnus for good too. she's always intended for them to be safe in the end, with all that she's done.]
...I understand.
[she looks back up at beau, there.]
Are you sure they're going to be all right with that?
[having their lives preserved over others, if they're put in that position? she doesn't know either of them well enough to say.]
[when lucretia looks up at her, beau is looking. she's watching, expression firm. there are dark circles under her eyes, but - she's resolute, and she doesn't hesitate in her answer.]
Nope. And that's why you're not gonna tell them. [a beat.] They'd be pissed. But I'm not losing them.
... Yeah, I thought you might. [she mutters.] The way things are I figure the list of people I don't want to lose is going to go real high, just like you said.
[she absently rubs at her sternum.] But... they're my family. My real family. So.
[she hesitates, just a moment, before she sets the meringue aside and reaches for her notebook, flipping through it.
after one more pause, she lets beau get a better look at the page she's stopped on. it looks like it might be a recreation of a portrait or photo-- seven people in matching uniforms, with lucretia in the center, though it's a younger version of her. she points out each as she goes over their names.]
Lup, Barry, Taako, Magnus, Merle, and Davenport. The seven of us were on an exploratory mission-- I was serving as its chronicler, in the beginning.
[extremely so. she picks the piping bag back up, working again while she speaks.]
I'm still working with three of them to try to fix everything, technically speaking, but things are-- it got... pretty rough, after what we did to the world.
[and she's quiet for a minute, after that, but.]
When it's all over, I hope that those of us who are left can still come back together again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Did you talk to Rupert at all?
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[as much of it as possible, before... well, they both know.]
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He told us he killed Bradley and Lan Wangji.
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Ichiro and Caleb told me. I'd halfway hoped...
[even if it made her wrong for certain, if it meant they knew what had happened, that was fine.]
There would still be work to do either way. It's just- in a different direction.
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I'm guessing Caleb told you most everything we talked about already so. [information travels fast.] I wanna - warn you, I think. About the upcoming weeks.
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[she says all of this evenly, as she mixes dry ingredients together, but-- not without a hint of tension. it's not directed at beau, though, her gaze fixed down on the bowl.]
The situation that we're in is only going to get worse, I... I know that well enough. But if there's anything else...
[then she's listening.]
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The part where if Caleb or Molly end up getting conscripted and have to do the shit that Rupert did, I'm not going to let them die.
[she says flatly, staring down at her fruit.]
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if it were anyone she knew, any of her own family, then-- if she realized it had been magnus, or merle, or anyone, she doesn't know that she could stomach turning them in over protecting them. she really doesn't. it would hurt to know they had to, and someone else would have to be chosen in their place, that's all true, but... they would be gone, and they already lost lup. she thought, very recently, they had lost magnus for good too. she's always intended for them to be safe in the end, with all that she's done.]
...I understand.
[she looks back up at beau, there.]
Are you sure they're going to be all right with that?
[having their lives preserved over others, if they're put in that position? she doesn't know either of them well enough to say.]
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Nope. And that's why you're not gonna tell them. [a beat.] They'd be pissed. But I'm not losing them.
[not again.]
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[she goes back to mixing, there, halfway paying attention to it.]
...and I don't plan to cast suspicion on them if it happens. If you need my help, then you have it-- I would do the same, in your place.
[and, well. she doesn't want to see them die, either.]
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... Yeah, I thought you might. [she mutters.] The way things are I figure the list of people I don't want to lose is going to go real high, just like you said.
[she absently rubs at her sternum.] But... they're my family. My real family. So.
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[she finishes up with the meringue batter, starting to move it into a piping bag.]
I understand that well enough. The people I traveled with-- they're my family, too, and if any of them were here, I wouldn't let this place take them.
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Tell me more about them? [her family. she's curious.] Are they the people in your notebook?
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after one more pause, she lets beau get a better look at the page she's stopped on. it looks like it might be a recreation of a portrait or photo-- seven people in matching uniforms, with lucretia in the center, though it's a younger version of her. she points out each as she goes over their names.]
Lup, Barry, Taako, Magnus, Merle, and Davenport. The seven of us were on an exploratory mission-- I was serving as its chronicler, in the beginning.
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she looks over the picture, head tilting.] Oh. Somehow I didn't realize you had elves and dwarves where you came from.
... This is a nice picture.
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[he's just a fucking tiefling, guys. also haha yeah of course it was gonna be that picture what else flurry
she's smiling as she looks down at it, but there's definitely something a little bittersweet to it.]
But- thank you. I don't have the original here, so this is sort of-- it's the next best thing.
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... You guys still friends? You make it sound like things have changed.
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[extremely so. she picks the piping bag back up, working again while she speaks.]
I'm still working with three of them to try to fix everything, technically speaking, but things are-- it got... pretty rough, after what we did to the world.
[and she's quiet for a minute, after that, but.]
When it's all over, I hope that those of us who are left can still come back together again.