[she's sitting in the cafeteria again, but this time she's in the kitchen. she's staring at the fridge, and when lucretia comes in, she tilts her head lazily to the side and waves.]
I think so. I'm in a weird fucking mood. [...] I feel less like shit after talking to Rupert, but it's not like I can exactly be happy after watching two of my dormmates kill each other.
[she opens up her notebook to flip to where she has a few recipes carefully copied down, with some added notes; as she does, if beau's looking, she can see the inside cover has some purikura photos in it, and she flips past several pages of drawings along with all her notes.]
-Beauregard, I don't think I need to be baking, in that case. You really should have something a little more substantial after that long...
[HELLO. no, cookies are not going to be an acceptable meal after not eating for DAYS, BEAU.
also, if beau's being nosy: she has pics with ichiro, taichi, and maya in the notebook cover right now! the drawings are mostly sketches of people here, but she might catch a few more detailed portraits of those who have died, a couple landscapes that are definitely not places here, and one or two drawings of a group of people who also don't look familiar.]
...well, they're supposed to rest for a while after finishing them, so I don't see why we can't do both.
[but she is definitely like. finding some fruit or something in the fridge and passing it to beau, eat something. after that she'll start putting the ingredients together.]
she hops on the counter, and blinks down at the fruit when it's put into her hands. a long pause, and then she starts eating it. it tastes good, but she is frowning so it probably looks kind of funny. she probably actually looks a little like caleb here. been spending too much time with him.]
[it does look a little funny, but that's fine-- she smiles, more to herself than anything, and mixes together some of the dry ingredients, humming an idle tune.]
I'm guessing Caleb told you most everything we talked about already so. [information travels fast.] I wanna - warn you, I think. About the upcoming weeks.
About which part of them, specifically? The part where it's going to be impossible to lose anyone who people don't care about? The part where whoever killed them is going to be someone who others care about as well?
[she says all of this evenly, as she mixes dry ingredients together, but-- not without a hint of tension. it's not directed at beau, though, her gaze fixed down on the bowl.]
The situation that we're in is only going to get worse, I... I know that well enough. But if there's anything else...
[no, that's a mood though. and it really does have something to do with what she planned on saying, so. she kicks her feet against the cabinets again.]
The part where if Caleb or Molly end up getting conscripted and have to do the shit that Rupert did, I'm not going to let them die.
[...ah. she pauses in her work, there, looking at the bowl for another few moments.
if it were anyone she knew, any of her own family, then-- if she realized it had been magnus, or merle, or anyone, she doesn't know that she could stomach turning them in over protecting them. she really doesn't. it would hurt to know they had to, and someone else would have to be chosen in their place, that's all true, but... they would be gone, and they already lost lup. she thought, very recently, they had lost magnus for good too. she's always intended for them to be safe in the end, with all that she's done.]
...I understand.
[she looks back up at beau, there.]
Are you sure they're going to be all right with that?
[having their lives preserved over others, if they're put in that position? she doesn't know either of them well enough to say.]
[when lucretia looks up at her, beau is looking. she's watching, expression firm. there are dark circles under her eyes, but - she's resolute, and she doesn't hesitate in her answer.]
Nope. And that's why you're not gonna tell them. [a beat.] They'd be pissed. But I'm not losing them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
W2, sunday
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... Hey.
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Beauregard. ...Are you well enough?
[honestly, that went better than it really could have, but. god. however their opponent's decided, it's terrible.]
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I think so. I'm in a weird fucking mood. [...] I feel less like shit after talking to Rupert, but it's not like I can exactly be happy after watching two of my dormmates kill each other.
[might as well just be honest.]
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[it's a small mercy, but-- it still is one.]
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Caleb told me you bake. You in the mood to do that right now?
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[yes, absolutely, she'll take a subject change.]
I wouldn't call myself especially talented, but I could manage it, sure.
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I'll do the clean up if you do the baking. I fucking suck at cooking.
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[she opens up her notebook to flip to where she has a few recipes carefully copied down, with some added notes; as she does, if beau's looking, she can see the inside cover has some purikura photos in it, and she flips past several pages of drawings along with all her notes.]
In the mood for anything in particular?
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[she is nosy, sort of peeking at what lucretia has in her notebook.]
I haven't eaten in uh. Two? Three... days. Whatever. So I'm kind of starving.
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[HELLO. no, cookies are not going to be an acceptable meal after not eating for DAYS, BEAU.
also, if beau's being nosy: she has pics with ichiro, taichi, and maya in the notebook cover right now! the drawings are mostly sketches of people here, but she might catch a few more detailed portraits of those who have died, a couple landscapes that are definitely not places here, and one or two drawings of a group of people who also don't look familiar.]
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It's fine. I haven't been hungry. [sometimes your response to trauma is that you just don't eat at all forever.
... she notes the stuff she sees but doesn't ask about it yet, even if she's intensely curious.]
Like I said, I'm not picky.
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[but she is definitely like. finding some fruit or something in the fridge and passing it to beau, eat something. after that she'll start putting the ingredients together.]
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she hops on the counter, and blinks down at the fruit when it's put into her hands. a long pause, and then she starts eating it. it tastes good, but she is frowning so it probably looks kind of funny. she probably actually looks a little like caleb here. been spending too much time with him.]
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Did you talk to Rupert at all?
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[as much of it as possible, before... well, they both know.]
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He told us he killed Bradley and Lan Wangji.
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Ichiro and Caleb told me. I'd halfway hoped...
[even if it made her wrong for certain, if it meant they knew what had happened, that was fine.]
There would still be work to do either way. It's just- in a different direction.
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I'm guessing Caleb told you most everything we talked about already so. [information travels fast.] I wanna - warn you, I think. About the upcoming weeks.
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[she says all of this evenly, as she mixes dry ingredients together, but-- not without a hint of tension. it's not directed at beau, though, her gaze fixed down on the bowl.]
The situation that we're in is only going to get worse, I... I know that well enough. But if there's anything else...
[then she's listening.]
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The part where if Caleb or Molly end up getting conscripted and have to do the shit that Rupert did, I'm not going to let them die.
[she says flatly, staring down at her fruit.]
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if it were anyone she knew, any of her own family, then-- if she realized it had been magnus, or merle, or anyone, she doesn't know that she could stomach turning them in over protecting them. she really doesn't. it would hurt to know they had to, and someone else would have to be chosen in their place, that's all true, but... they would be gone, and they already lost lup. she thought, very recently, they had lost magnus for good too. she's always intended for them to be safe in the end, with all that she's done.]
...I understand.
[she looks back up at beau, there.]
Are you sure they're going to be all right with that?
[having their lives preserved over others, if they're put in that position? she doesn't know either of them well enough to say.]
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Nope. And that's why you're not gonna tell them. [a beat.] They'd be pissed. But I'm not losing them.
[not again.]
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[she goes back to mixing, there, halfway paying attention to it.]
...and I don't plan to cast suspicion on them if it happens. If you need my help, then you have it-- I would do the same, in your place.
[and, well. she doesn't want to see them die, either.]
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